Why I am having a fourth baby

The first thing people seem to ask when you tell them you have more than two kids is, “Did you plan for that?”

I always smile, laugh a little and then politely respond with, “Yes, we know it’s a handful,but we absolutely planned it”

Sometimes having a gaggle of kids is out of pure luck. Sometimes it’s out of necessity. Sometimes it’s for the love of a big family and sometimes it’s for family dynamics. In our case, I guess it was a little of all of them.

When I met my husband we had the common talk about How many kids do you want? We both agreed we wanted more than one, but we weren’t set on how many passed that. Once our second son arrived, we thought we might be done having kids. I always knew I wanted to be a boy mom, so it just seemed right. About three years later my heart ached for another little baby to add to the family. I swore it would be our final go at it,whether the baby was a boy or girl.

Once our baby girl entered our family, I had this calming feeling as if our family was complete. I was now going to experience raising boys and girls and knew that we had accomplished our goal of a large family. Then came the kicker….MY HUSBAND ASKED TO TRY FOR ONE MORE!

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Ladies, if you are anything like me,when your husband is the one asking for more kids you question his sanity and then proceed with caution for the next few days. Once a week had passed and his feelings were still the same, I decided it was time to have a serious conversation.

We talked about the dynamics of our family if we added another, how the kids would feel about another sibling and the circus we were about to create in our home. FOUR KIDS IS A LOT!!!! It was the moment that my husband began breaking down the dynamics of where the kids fell in the “line up” that it all made sense.

  1. My two oldest were closest in age so they would always have a strong bond.
  2. My two youngest weren’t too far apart in age to have their own special relationship,regardless of different genders
  3. My oldest, being seven years older than my youngest, would always be there to help out, making a bond between them undeniable.
  4. My oldest will always be my first, my youngest will always be the baby…and now the dilemma came with my middle child finding his place in the sibling line up!!!

When I was growing up, I was the oldest of three sisters and we always had to reassure my middle sister that she mattered. Not because she was insecure, but because where she fell in the line up, sometimes left her feeling looked over. (Ask any middle child and they will agree I’m sure)

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In order to allow my second child to never feel like the odd kid out, we decided to go for a fourth baby. Now we had a few things working in a positive direction.

  1. Our oldest two were closest in age
  2. Our youngest two would be close in age
  3. Our two middle kids could lean on each other,our two older kids could lean on each other and our two youngest kids could lean on each other.(there would always be someone to relate to)
  4. There would now be an even number, and no odd kid out (everyone has a roller coaster buddy)

Sometimes people have their opinions on why couples continue to expand their families and to that I will simply say, “It’s not up to you to raise our family, it’s up to us;and if it works for us,then it’s all good!”

I’m having a fourth kid, because I love being a mother. I love being pregnant and I love the chaos that has become my home life. I’m having a fourth kid because my husband and I both agreed it’s what we wanted for our family and what makes us happy. I’m having a fourth kid because I know in time it will be what is best for my other children as well. I’m having a fourth kid because…I WANT TO!

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12 Comment

  1. Ryan Boyce says: Reply

    This is good, I really like this one. good job babe!

  2. Chris says: Reply

    I definitely noticed a difference in the ‘Congrats’ that I would get when hearing I was pregnant with a third. It wasn’t an ‘over the moon’ congrats but more of an ‘again? are you crazy?’ kinda comment. I’m a planner and most definitely we planned each of our kiddos but I’m done and will be happy with three. We have two little girls and we find out the baby sex today! I’m constantly asked if we are trying for a boy (makes me feel like they are saying my girls aren’t good enough) and whereas I would love to have a mini version of my husband and a brother for my girls, I’m beyond happy with having 2 beautiful girls (maybe a third!). (Plus that gives me 3 chances for at least one of them to attend my women’s college alma mater!)
    More power to you for having the energy, freedom, and love to go around for 4. I’ve always loved big families. The more chaos and noise and schedules and the ever rotating door of friends, the better.

  3. AddyFaye says: Reply

    Such a great read on family dynamics! My first is 6 months old right now, and I definitely want more, my husband(an only child)only wants one more, so it’s definitely
    Going to be a work in progress 😹 I just get so sad that people have to explain their larger kid population to other couples, because they can be so judgey about it! BUT I adore that it’s in people hearts to have big families, it makes the world go round! Congratulations on number four!

  4. I loved reading this! My 3rd and 4th children are absolutely the best of friends. They are so much alike yet different in ways that complement each other. Having an even number of children is nice too as they always have a buddy to look out for.

  5. Reva says: Reply

    I come from a large family with 45 first cousins (between mom and dads sides). I have 3 boys and definitely plan on more. My husband is one of 8. It always perplexes me that people find it out of the ordinary to have big families; it’s all I know. I had a charmed childhood growing up the oldest of 4 with diddly squat but surrounded with love and plenty of company! Never a dull moment.

  6. I love this! My husband and I were very much the same, never had a specific number but knew we wanted more than 1 (we both come from families with four kids), we figured we’d take it one at a time and see what God had planned for us. Now we have four little ones ranging from almost 6 years to 7 months. It is crazy in our house but also wonderful! I know some people think we’re crazy (sometimes I do too, lol) but it works for our family. We’re not 100% sure we’re done yet either… I haven’t had that sense of completion that a lot of mommas talk about.

  7. Kim says: Reply

    I could have written this post myself – was ‘done’ after our 2 boys, then our wee girl came along & all of a sudden I wasn’t ‘done’ anymore & am currently 36w preg with our 4th Bub & our 3rd boy 👍🏼 I like the whole ‘buddy’ system too

  8. Deanna says: Reply

    Thank you for this post! It makes me happy to hear how you made your decision! Having my now baby suffer the middle child syndrome is always a worry of mine! We both wonder how life could be with four!

    1. Christina says: Reply

      I say why not go for 4…we’ve already hit crazy town with 3 hahaha.

  9. Love this! You go mama! 🙂

    xo Raina
    http://www.themamaqueen.com

  10. Anna says: Reply

    Wow, we are at a crossroads whether to have a fourth or not ( we have three girls) and this really spoke to me. As one of three girls myself I am very aware of the “middle child syndrome” and can see it in my three year old already. Thank you for this post.

  11. So many pockets, so little time! 😍

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