The first thing people seem to ask when you tell them you have more than two kids is, “Did you plan for that?”
I always smile, laugh a little and then politely respond with, “Yes, we know it’s a handful,but we absolutely planned it”
Sometimes having a gaggle of kids is out of pure luck. Sometimes it’s out of necessity. Sometimes it’s for the love of a big family and sometimes it’s for family dynamics. In our case, I guess it was a little of all of them.
When I met my husband we had the common talk about How many kids do you want? We both agreed we wanted more than one, but we weren’t set on how many passed that. Once our second son arrived, we thought we might be done having kids. I always knew I wanted to be a boy mom, so it just seemed right. About three years later my heart ached for another little baby to add to the family. I swore it would be our final go at it,whether the baby was a boy or girl.
Once our baby girl entered our family, I had this calming feeling as if our family was complete. I was now going to experience raising boys and girls and knew that we had accomplished our goal of a large family. Then came the kicker….MY HUSBAND ASKED TO TRY FOR ONE MORE!
Ladies, if you are anything like me,when your husband is the one asking for more kids you question his sanity and then proceed with caution for the next few days. Once a week had passed and his feelings were still the same, I decided it was time to have a serious conversation.
We talked about the dynamics of our family if we added another, how the kids would feel about another sibling and the circus we were about to create in our home. FOUR KIDS IS A LOT!!!! It was the moment that my husband began breaking down the dynamics of where the kids fell in the “line up” that it all made sense.
- My two oldest were closest in age so they would always have a strong bond.
- My two youngest weren’t too far apart in age to have their own special relationship,regardless of different genders
- My oldest, being seven years older than my youngest, would always be there to help out, making a bond between them undeniable.
- My oldest will always be my first, my youngest will always be the baby…and now the dilemma came with my middle child finding his place in the sibling line up!!!
When I was growing up, I was the oldest of three sisters and we always had to reassure my middle sister that she mattered. Not because she was insecure, but because where she fell in the line up, sometimes left her feeling looked over. (Ask any middle child and they will agree I’m sure)
In order to allow my second child to never feel like the odd kid out, we decided to go for a fourth baby. Now we had a few things working in a positive direction.
- Our oldest two were closest in age
- Our youngest two would be close in age
- Our two middle kids could lean on each other,our two older kids could lean on each other and our two youngest kids could lean on each other.(there would always be someone to relate to)
- There would now be an even number, and no odd kid out (everyone has a roller coaster buddy)
Sometimes people have their opinions on why couples continue to expand their families and to that I will simply say, “It’s not up to you to raise our family, it’s up to us;and if it works for us,then it’s all good!”
I’m having a fourth kid, because I love being a mother. I love being pregnant and I love the chaos that has become my home life. I’m having a fourth kid because my husband and I both agreed it’s what we wanted for our family and what makes us happy. I’m having a fourth kid because I know in time it will be what is best for my other children as well. I’m having a fourth kid because…I WANT TO!