Only during the last weeks of pregnancy…

No other time in your life will you allow these random, off the wall, nasty things to occur and think it is completely normal. Not only will you think they are normal, you will even be excited for some of them, as they are signs that your new bundle of joy is quickly approaching.

 

So lets talk about how only in the last week of pregnancy….

crazybelly

Will you be delighted to see snot like,bloody goop, fall from your lady parts. Never been pregnant? Are you a dude reading this because you stumbled upon it? Well hello there…yes this is a lovely description of your “Bloody Show” and it is one of the first signs you are in the home stretch of childbirth. Let’s be real honest…any other time this type of yuck came out of your vagina, you’d rush to see a medic.

 

Will you justify having dreams of birthing horses and baby dolls. Does this sound like a meth head just told you their latest trip? It should, because that is the only time that is looked at as a typical thing to say. Or when you are embarking on the last few weeks of pregnancy and dream up the weirdest ideals of how you will bring new life into the world.

 

Will crying over Huggies commercials NOT make you a prime candidate for mental counseling. If you at any other point in your life start crying over the sight of a mother cuddling her newborn baby,or a pair of loveable kittens cuddling a dog,chances are you are having a mental breakdown or having some emotional issues that need to be talked through. However if you are on the verge of giving birth, this display of crazy is totally normal. CHEERS!

 

Will eating hot wings and pineapple, while straddling a birthing ball, before attempting to sexually attack your spouse,be looked at as completely sane. Any other time in your life that this scenario happens, please be fully prepared to explain yourself immediately.

cravings

{shirt by: Fresh Apparel Tees}

Will hoping for a hurricane,full moon or other natural occurrence… not seem odd. If you aren’t hoping to welcome a baby into the world and you are just wanting a hurricane to happen, that’s strange. So is sitting outside, hoping the full moon’s gravitational pull will pry a baby from your loins.

 

Will cleaning your house, like you are covering up a crime scene (everyday), look ordinary. Any other time you are frantically cleaning every nook and cranny of your home will make you seem on edge or like you are on a serious caffeine fix and losing your mind.

 

Will eating an entire cake be justifiable. Look, the way I see it, when the baby comes out, I’m planning to have the cake come out to. Enough said.

 

Will stopping mid sentence to go into a full trance not seem creepy. Oh the beloved contractions. Not the ones that put us into labor. No no no…just the ones that tease us and take our breath away while doing completely mundane things..like having coffee with a friend.

 

Will wearing leggings,everyday,all day, be completely acceptable. I’m pushing a 20-30 pound weight gain. My hips have shifted and stretched to their maximum capacity. I’m pretty sure I’m bloated on top of housing a small human and the last thing I care to do is fit my fat ass into pants because that’s more stylish. Thanks,but No Thanks Y’all. {want to laugh at the changes in your body during pregnancy?click here}

OMGbelly

 

Will having bipolar mood swings not be cause for alarm. Look after I give birth, if I start taking you and myself on an emotional roller coaster, by all means offer up a good therapist for me to talk to. Until then, strap on your hard hat and take on this crazy ride with me.

As you can see, I am fully ready to have a baby…LIKE NOW! 

If nothing else, here’s to hoping this blog gave you a good laugh and a little insight into the down right crazy shit us women go through on the last weeks of pregnancy. Cut us some slack and don’t stare too much when we have a moment of insanity. This too shall pass.

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5 Comment

  1. Kaitlyn says: Reply

    I can SO relate!! I love the cake statement haha except mine would be tons of blueberry muffins, oh yes!

    1. Christina says: Reply

      wow muffins sound amazing right now hahaha

  2. “Thanks but No thanks y’all”

    I need this branded on a coffee mug as my anthem! Great post. Hilarious and so true. Bring on the mucus plug. Hope you aren’t waiting much longer. Lol.

    @erincoffeejunkie

    1. Christina says: Reply

      OMG I’d buy that shirt too!! I’m due Wednesday so we shall see how long baby hangs on

  3. Jayne says: Reply

    This is beautifully candid I love the real factor in all your thoughts. Very much what I like to write like on my blog too. Love it.

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